I bet that’s a headline you never thought you’d read. Time and time again we’re reminded that men do the chasing and women must sit back and let men chase them. Women should pretend not to be interested because that makes men more interested, we’re told. “The more distant you are, the more a man will want you” or “If a man doesn’t chase you, he’s not interested.”
I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of hearing these well worn-out phrases.
I’m calling bullshit on both of these ridiculous notions. We’re stuck in this very archaic way of thinking – that men are programmed to chase and it’s not the role of the woman to pursue a man. I can’t believe that in the 21st century we still believe this to be true.
One of the many things my last relationship taught me is that there’s nothing wrong with a woman chasing a man.
I met my ex-boyfriend at a mutual friend’s birthday party, which started as a house party, but then moved onto a nightclub. I’d chatted to him earlier on in the evening and thought he seemed interesting, but didn’t necessarily see him as a romantic interest. After kissing a few random guys in the club, I suddenly came to the realization that there was a part of me that liked him. I had a hunch that he liked me too, but couldn’t be sure. So what did I do? I literally marched up to him like a woman on a mission and within minutes we were kissing.
Ok, yes, maybe if I wasn’t drunk I wouldn’t have made the first move, but I knew what I wanted and went for it. Weirdly, after the night came to an end we didn’t exchange numbers and both went our separate ways. So the next day I took matters into my own hands and asked my friend for his number and messaged him. This was quite bold for someone that normally lets guys make the first move. But, I honestly felt that I had nothing to lose after previously being messed around by a guy who ghosted me.
The early days of dating my ex involved me doing a lot of the chasing. I pursued him and certainly didn’t play it cool. By this point, I’d had a lifetimes worth of game playing and just wanted something straightforward. I texted him whenever I felt like talking to him, (which was a lot) and would often be the first person to initiate conversation every day. And do you know what? He wasn’t put off by my persistence; if anything it made the relationship progress a lot quicker. Subsequently, I was the one that brought up the conversation about being official as I was fed up of not knowing where I stood.
It was so liberating to be myself and go after what I wanted, rather than let the guy dictate the pace of the relationship.
I’d previously let guys chase me and purposely distanced myself for fear of coming across too keen, but I felt so powerless doing that. This time it was different; I felt very confident and in control of the situation. I didn’t really care if he thought I was chasing him, because truth is I was too impatient to sit back and wait for him to chase me.
There’s something to be admired in a woman that goes out and gets what she wants. It shows initiative, sass and courage. We need more women to be confident, rather than playing the part of the laid back and elusive woman that society tells us we should be to get a man.
If men and women are equal then we should both be able to do the same things. If men can chase, then so can women. Let’s abandon the myth that only men chase. All it does is puts a lot of pressure on guys and ultimately means that they have control over the relationship.
If they’re the right guy and they’re mature enough, then they definitely won’t be put off by you showing interest and chasing them. After all what is the point of dating someone if they’re not interested? Don’t be afraid to go forth and chase a man. Be the first person to text, make a phone call, and arrange a date. I guarantee you’ll feel so much better for being assertive than you would waiting around for him to text.