The confusion that comes before we know how they feel and the nights we stay up wondering if they want us, if they like us if they care and wondering if they are thinking about us as much as we’re thinking about them. It’s the stories and the scenarios we make up in our heads whether to justify their actions or justify ours. It’s the words we tell ourselves to either take the risk or run away before even trying.
Waiting for their text or their call, waiting for the right time to reply. Waiting to see them, waiting for them to show us a sign or tell us something and waiting for the moment that we can know for sure that we haven’t been waiting for anything. It’s the lonely days and nights we have to endure waiting for the ones we love to love us back.
When we don’t get the answer we hoped for, when we don’t get to know the person as much as we wanted to, when we go from being close to someone to barely even saying hi. It’s seeing it end before it begins that kills us.
When we thought they could be more, when we thought they wanted us more when we thought we still have time to make plans and go to places and take trips and when we thought they will be there for us when we need them but they didn’t show up. Expectations hurt because they come from a place where we believe that they would do for us what we would do for them – and this always leads to disappointment.
Knowing that they will never open up their heart again the way did with their ex, knowing that they will never love again the way they did and knowing that they still have a feeling for someone else. It’s the feeling that you will never replace someone you don’t even know that hurts and this is what often makes us feel like we’re not ‘good enough’ or ‘maybe it’s us.’
It’s all the things we confuse for love that hurt, but love is not supposed to hurt.
Because when we truly love someone, we don’t hurt them. We don’t lead them on or leave them questioning us, we don’t play games or ignore their feelings, we don’t tell them we love them if we’re in love with someone else and we don’t keep them waiting.
It only hurts when we give that love to the wrong person, when we convince ourselves that we can make someone reciprocate our feelings.
But the truth is, love only heals when it’s mutual, when it’s defined and when it’s given because we truly appreciate someone not because we’re trying to forget someone else.