I thought I would share with you all, something that I have noticed over the past few years which bothers me quite a bit. I’m not sure if this is just an annoying symptom of being in a sexless marriage or if this just my own special brand of crazy. But I’ve found that I have odd urges and have become extra-sensitive to touch. This isn’t a new thing but something that has been steadily increasing over the years. I decided to share this with you as it happened again last night as I was travelling home on the train from work.
I was just sitting there reading a book when a reasonably attractive guy sits down next to me. The seats are rather narrow which means that everyone is a little squished in together. But as we were travelling along together I became acutely aware of the pressure and warmth of his leg against mine, how broad his shoulders were (one of which was touching mine) and what a lovely scent of aftershave he was wearing. I tried very hard to block it from my mind and get back into my book again but it was too distracting. I gave up on my book, put it away and decided to close my eyes and pretend to sleep. All I could think about was this lovely stranger sitting next to me, and how good it felt to have his leg and shoulders touching me.
I felt pathetic. How ridiculous to crave touch from a stranger no less. And not just strangers… At work we are a pretty friendly lot. We hug occasionally, give a peck on the cheek on birthdays and Christmas parties etc. And I’ve also felt these feelings welling up for people at work, guys that I am not particularly attracted to. Ones that I know are married and have kids, guys who are almost old enough to be my father. Not that I would ever act on these feelings but they always hit me out of the blue when I am not expecting it.
One of my more disturbing quirks is that when I am in a meeting with a boss or colleague, if I am in close proximity sitting next to them sometimes I can’t focus on what they are saying. The shape and movement of their lips distract me and I get a strong urge to lean forward and kiss them, just to see what their reaction would be. And this has happened not only when I am in a meeting with a male, but also females too.
I also can’t wear certain types of clothing. I have a bra which is satin and lace but it has a seam that runs across where my nipple would be inside the cup. As I move, it rubs and drives me crazy. The same thing has happened to me when I wax. I got a full Brazilian wax a few years ago in the hopes that it would tempt J (Husband) (no dice) but a side effect of the wax was that my clitoris was now able to rub against the fabric of my underwear. It drove me nuts which is a shame as I really like the ‘clean’ feeling of having no pubic hair there, but it just makes my sexual frustration unbearable.
Am I crazy or have others experienced this too? If you have experienced this, how do you handle these feelings and urges (apart from masturbating when you get home)?