Love. It is one of the first emotions that we experience, regardless of what your definition of love is. It could have been when your parents first held you in their arms, or it could have been experienced when you chased your playground crush and scraped your knees in the process. Love can be what you feel when you take a spoonful of Nutella right out of the jar after a long day, or the feeling you get when your significant other grabs your hand, pulls you aside, and gives you a quick kiss.
It doesn’t matter who or what it happens to be with, but the understanding that it is there and that it is real is all a part of the human growth process. Regardless, the experience is something that everyone experiences, while keeping each unique experience sacred to each individuals’ life. While love is the first emotion you experience, it is often a wonder of when exactly it happens with the people you meet.
Sometimes when you fall into a level of comfort with someone, you can ask yourself, “When did I fall in love with you? When did it happen?” It could have been sixth months or one year into a relationship with someone, or even the minute you met them. The idea that you can fall into love at first sight is something that should be embraced when it does happen.
Love grows over time; there’s no question about that. It’s not quite an emotion that can be felt automatically, or can it? Love at first sight can often be romanticized in various television shows and movies.
But there is that instant, gut emotion you get when you see someone for the first time, that can be ever so telling as to where your relationship with them will take off.
And while you can’t quite say you love this person yet, or that you are in love with them, you want to be. You know this even if you don’t want to admit it. Part of you just wants to know them, to learn who they are, and how you can be a part of their life.
Love at first sight is what weeds the rest of the world out from the person or people you are supposed to be with. Love at first sight is what brings you into someone’s life, and you into theirs. Love at first sight is how you can see that there is something more to this life than trying to find someone to understand you, because at the end of the day, there is a possibility that person is there and understands you more than yourself. You might have met that person yesterday.
Sometimes you ask yourself “Is it real?”, and yet you are faced with a person right in front of you, beckoning your every inner desire to love and feel love for this one single person who you know absolutely nothing about it. You can’t put your finger on what makes this person different from all of the rest. And while “love” can be a strong word, you know that in your heart that there is something that is making you like this person a whole lot more than all of the other people that have crossed your path. You question yourself on whether or not you are losing it, or perhaps you are just putting all of your eggs into one basket, but you know.
You know that that person has a spark. They have something that has the potential to make you and your life better than you could’ve ever imagined it to be. And you hope deep, deep inside that they see that potential, too. You like them. Simple as that. And whether or not something truly happens out of this, is really just up to compatibility and fate.
So what draws you in? What is it that makes you stop in your tracks, completely forget everything that is going on in your life, and focus on this person? Even if it is fleeting, the feeling of love at first sight is ever present in your mind. And you can read articles upon articles about how humans fall in love and the science of our emotions, but nothing quite rings more true to the theory of falling in love at first sight than having the experience happen for yourself. You can call it initial attraction, or perhaps just a gut reaction – nonetheless you are drawn in. You like them, and it’s just up to you to do something about it.
The thing is – love just happens. It just does. You can’t quite explain it, but it exists and often times the potential of falling in love with someone happens within the first glance.
Sometimes, you have a gut feeling that it is time to walk away from someone you care about, but part of you is still craving closure. If you are lucky, this closure comes to you in the form of a breakup note or an argument or even a slammed door in your face. But other times, you are met with ice-cold silence. This is when you know.
You have to walk away now. You need to pick yourself up off the floor and never look back. You are worth more than an unanswered text or ignored phone call. You are worth someone actually taking the time to tell you that they are just not interested anymore. You do not deserve the lustful late-night texts that always leave you feeling even lonelier. You do not deserve the weeks of silence they give you as they come in and out of your life as they please. You deserve so much more.
You deserve to feel whole again. You are not worthless. You are not empty. You are not just a body here for someone else’s pleasure. You are not unlovable. Please do not let someone else’s words or actions convince you otherwise. You deserve to be someone’s priority, not just when it is convenient for them or when they are feeling lonely. Loving someone does not mean taking everything they have and then leaving them behind once you have had your fill. No, loving someone means that you support them, and they support you. There might be days when one of you needs more support than the other, but no one who is actually in love with you will allow your relationship to be one-sided. If someone only shows up in your life when they need a shoulder to cry on or a warm body to sleep next to, they do not love you. They are using you. I know it hurts to hear those truths, but what hurts even more is allowing yourself to be destroyed over and over and over again by someone you care about.
I know that you are afraid of being alone. But, are they really making you feel any less lonely when they ignore you? Or belittle you? Or sexualize you? Loneliness is not cured by sporadic attention; it is created by it. When someone comes in and out of your life, you are left feeling hurt and confused. Suddenly, the days that never felt that long before feel excruciatingly slow as you sit there and wait for a call that will never even be made.
When someone makes it clear to you that you are not a priority in their life unless they can take from you what they are missing in themselves, you begin to feel like you have no value. You begin to feel sad and lonely and like you have no purpose outside of being a dumpster for all of the pain they can no longer handle within themselves. A happy relationship should never make you feel this way. You do not date someone solely to become a means of taking away their pain. You are there to support them on their journey towards healing, but you are not the one who has to heal them. You do not have to fix people in an effort to try to keep them in your life. You are not the answer to their problems. You are just a person who cares so deeply and never receives that same care in return. There is nothing wrong with supporting someone you love, but if you are never being supported in return, they are not your person.
Do you really want to wake up next to someone each and every day for the rest of your life and wonder if today will finally be the day they show up for you? Why put yourself through this pain when there is someone else out there who would do anything to be by your side? I promise you that this person who is ignoring you and hurting you is not the one you are meant to be with. They might be a part of your journey in finding yourself and finding true love, but they are not your endpoint. The day you can look at someone and see the love you have given finally being given back to you is the day you have found your happy ending. This is the person who will show up for you, every day, forever.
If they cannot even take the time to text you back now, imagine what the rest of your life with them would be like. Every day you would be fighting for their love and attention, while they are soaking up all of yours. They will drain you again and again and again, and they will never give you one hundred percent of themselves. They will always leave your glass half empty, even when you are begging them to leave you full. They will take and take and take until they are healed, and you are unrecognizable. Please do not wait until that day to take your life back and walk away.
If it doesn’t feel right from the beginning, chances are that it never will.
Let yourself walk away and finally experience the love that is out there waiting for you.
I promise you, it’s worth it