“As exciting as a relationship with the ‘Big Cheese’ might be, don’t do it. It won’t end well and you will be left wondering why you did it in the first place.We spend more time at work than we do sleeping or enjoying our ‘real’ lives outside of the office. If you have a job that requires lots of travel, your work becomes your life, so you can’t blame yourself for having a wandering eye now and then as you seek to fill the empty space in your heart that work alone can’t satisfy.
As we collaborate and create with our work colleagues, it is only natural that we get to know them. It starts with office meetings, which expand over time to beers after work and sometimes-late night dinners or marketing events with cohorts and clients. It can be a lot of work, and a lot of fun; especially if that certain someone in your office makes your heart skip an extra beat when he or she walks by. But should you take that extra step? Make the crossover from flirting to frolicking – or even commitment? I suggest no. It’s not real, and it won’t last.
I dated one of my Boss’s and have had to rebuff Boss’s that wanted to date me (or something like that). None of it ended well. In the case of dating one of my Boss’s, well, we were already together before we worked together, so in a way that doesn’t count. We didn’t end up together in life, and I think it was the working together, with him as my Boss, that did us in. We have remained friends over the years, but I have wondered what life would have been like if I had said NO to that job offer.
As for the Boss’s that have wanted to date me – well, I may be blonde, but I am aware.
Let’s be real. Many Bosses’ ideas of ‘dating,’ ‘wining and dining,’ or ‘spending more quality time together,’ mean one thing only. They want you. And as much as you may want them, I council you to restrain from crossing over – from making the jump from flirting to full on. I hate to tell you, but they won’t leave their spouse for you. Now, if they are going through a divorce or are already divorced, you may have a shot, but don’t fall for empty promises just because she makes you weak in the knees.
I do know of some successful work romances that have ended up in great marriages (all of them second or third marriages). In every case, one of the pair has either left the division or the company all together. This might happen for you, but the odds are against it.
Did you know that there are rules and policies within corporations that either forbid workplace dating, or, at the least, require full disclosure and signed affidavits of ‘no company secret sharing?’
Of course, regardless of rules, we can’t help the fact that hormones have a way of ruling our bodies and minds. So if you simply can’t help yourself and feel that you are made for one another, then nothing I can say will stop you. I do suggest, however, that you check out company policy in this regard, so that one or both of you are not fired on the spot.
So how do you deal with the Boss’s that want to date you, but where you are not interested? If you tell them to ‘get out of my face,’ I can almost promise you that your days at the company are numbered. You can report them to HR. This is the right thing to do, by the way. This way you are covered in case of backlash and hopefully the behavior will stop. Yes, there is a chance that your days at the company may still be numbered, in which case you may be able to take further action. On the other hand, the Boss may shape up or know that he or she will be shipped out if they continue the inappropriate behavior.
Back when I had opportunities/offers to date my Bosses, I opted for the ‘save face,’ method, which may not fit your situation. I just laughed it off. Every time he would ask ‘When are you going to let me wine and dine you’ or ‘Are we going to have an affair,” I would toss my head back and laugh. The laugh was non-threatening, but clear. It simply wasn’t going to happen. Now I knew that if I gave in to these requests, my career would advance, possibly rather quickly. But I also was quite certain that when the dalliance ended, so would my tenure at the company. Besides, I didn’t believe in the ‘casting couch’ method of advancement.
I never reported these Bosses (I might have in today’s work world), but I was able to save face for both of us and move onward and upward with my career. Was this the right thing to do? At the time I thought it was. None of them stalked me, which of course, would be a matter not only for HR, but for the authorities. Hopefully this has not and will not ever happen to you.
Human beings are attracted to one another. It is a fact. We are meant to connect and subconsciously we are always seeking that extraordinary link to another person. I just recommend that when you seek out that special someone, you choose someone outside of your industry!
